Wife’s family rubbishing her – trying to deal with my anger

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    Anonymous

    I'm very very angry, spitting spewing anger.  I've just listened to my wife's grown son treat her badly, again.  I've listened to him accuse her falsely, refuse to take responsibility for his actions, and lie all to try to make him look right and upstanding and wise and moral and to make her look base and immoral and degenerate.  Members of her extended family have twice accused her of stealing goods, due to this same son's innocent actions, from the family farm 5000 miles away.  He and the rest of the family there (the talk was by telephone), she's in the UK.She has an AS diagnosis.  I don't, but probably only because I haven't let anyone diagnose me yet.  I suspect that her son has it too.I struggle to endure this situation because her son is attacking her as well, even though he knows that he's being mistreated by the rest of the family!  He's just sure that if she would lie like everybody else, and never express an opinion or a desire, and do whatever she's told, then 'everything would turn out fine.'  This from a thirty year old man (I use the word advisedly) who sees and acknowledges that all of these other people are ignoring their own dodgy acts, taking the thinnest suppositions as proven facts, and withholding the truth when it suits their narrow self-interest at the expense of everyone's peace-of-mind.I cannot maintain any sense of emotional balance when trying to talk with him about this family problem, so, even though I've grown to love him in the sixteen years I've known him, I found myself fully melted down a while ago, yelling and screaming at him over the telephone.I hate myself when I lose control that way.  It does not serve me.  It only serves to deepen the trough of muck that this entire family chooses to swim in so very often.My wife, after I got off of the telephone, handled herself with her son very well.  She actually stayed engaged and brought him up short whenever he tried to accuse her of something unsubstantiated or tried to bend the truth to fit his storey line.  But he still could not understand that she and I take the actions we do to protect her and to protect him from false accusations of criminality.

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